Using Thoughtful Communications to Avoid Self-Inflicted Wounds

Thoughts on crisis prevention!

Welcome to the Talking Out of School newsletter! If you were forwarded this email, hit the subscribe button to get weekly insights into indy schools today. Thank you for your support! Here’s more information on program offerings from Julie Faulstich and Stony Creek Strategy. Contact us - always happy to chat!

I have been so distracted by the tragedy unfolding in Los Angeles. My only family members out there are safe and far away from the fires so it’s not like it’s about me, directly. And of course as a human, I just can’t even imagine the devastation of losing everything in a span of a few hours. Unthinkable. Horrifying.

But it’s also because I just love LA and all it represents. I went there for the first time almost 25 year ago, prepared to condescend to it as an East Coaster and instead I fell in love. The 80 degree, sunny days. The incredible quality of the light. The vastness and variety of the city itself and the incredibly diversity among the residents. So many nations, so many languages! The energy of upbeat, hopeful striving that seemed to be everywhere, manifesting in so many different ways, not just in all the creatives draw to The Industry. The friendliness - I was not prepared! The magic of the canyons. And the drama of the mountains meeting the Pacific. Is there any road in the world like PCH? (and it’s “PCH” never “the PCH” but it is “the 101” not “101’) I’ve been back as number of times since and every time, I fall in love again.

My heart goes out to all of you in LA and with loved ones in LA, for this deep scar on your complicated, beautiful city. The City of Angels can’t help but rebound and I am hear rooting for you with all my might.

Using Thoughtful Communications to Avoid Self-Inflicted Wounds: Thoughts on Crisis Prevention

Before I go on to today’s topic, which took a grain of a previous post as inspiration, I wanted to recommend a recent episode of the Ezra Klein Show podcast for you podcast addicts out there. It’s about burnout but it’s really more about our own personal relationship with productivity and work and what it means to our self worth. I wonder if more of these complicated problems I write about below were approached in terms of relationships rather than a problem you want to solve as efficiently as possible to get on to the next thing in your impossible mountain of challenges to deal with, they would not become crises. This is easy to day, hard to do, but I think it’s worth some reflection. I am totally guilty of measuring my own self-worth based on productivity, discipline and ability (or lack thereof) to work my way through an impossible mountain of stuff, so I am saying this as much to myself as I am to any of you, readers!

There’s a lot of advice out there about being prepared for crises. There are webistes and apps and binders and plans and tabletops and Chat GPT generated scenarios for senior teams to chew on.

This article is not about that.

This is about how problems arise and can loom as potential crises, depending on how they’re managed. Really, that means how you communicate, both in the moment as you are managing the problem or complaint, how you follow up and how you bring other parts of the community up to speed as necessary.

There is the “self-inflicted wound.”

That’s the bombshell decision that is communicated with only the haziest of unsatisfactory details, maybe has leaked, and has no follow-up avenues for community members to process. This could be because a leader didn’t anticipate the decision would hit like a bombshell or it could be the “I’m the boss and what I say, goes” approach.

By proceeding like this, marching forward with a show of force and a “cross me if you dare” attitude, you are basically ensuring the ripple effects will be intense and long lasting. You give up control of the message because you haven’t communicated a message - you’ve communicated an ultimatum.

There is the “it’s coming down the pike.”

There’s studying the financials and knowing you will need to implement a hiring freeze or offer a buyout or do layoffs.

There’s the dawning realization you need to eliminate or substantially change a beloved program because no one enrolls in it anymore.

There’s the plan to put up that new building - right where the Class of 1968 planted those memorial trees.

You can kick the can down the road until the road ends - and life is busy, etc - or you could not.

There is the persistent problem situation that just won’t go away.

It could be a recurring complaint from a family, even if you think the problem has been resolved. Or it could be that the less involved divorced parent suddenly becomes involved and isn’t crazy about that discipline decision or the way a health situation was handled six months ago. It could be the person who doesn’t get an answer she wants, so she keeps looking for another answer. Who knows where she might show up next?

There is the icky HR situation

It has to be kept confidential but you know it’s already fueling gossip and mild shock waves out into the community - and you’re absolutely bound by confidentiality. And you’re worried about triggering potential lawsuits.

And now we need to worry about virtual places and incidents - social media is often a gathering place for people looking for like-minds and an outlet and something really simple - an alum who is upset about those trees, for example - can slowly build into something more. Last summer, I heard a lot about the power of Facebook groups to cause problems to surface.

And perhaps what makes these situations even harder to deconstruct and manage is that you have many different people giving you input as to what they think is developing into a crisis. Some they may be right to worry about. Others, not so much.

So what’s a leader to do?

Understand your Leanings - and the Leanings of Those Around You

Do you tend to overreact or underestimate?

This is a tough one, especially because given past experiences, it can shift wildly. But neither one is 100% percent correct all the time. Often social media kerfuffles never go anywhere and a few empathetic DMs from the director of comms redirecting unhappy people in a more productive direction can work wonders. Other times, ignoring a rumor about a parent petition for all the reasons you think this might be overblown gossip makes sense until it shows up on Facebook one morning. And then once this happens, it can be easy to see danger everywhere.

It also can be extremely difficult to keep your head when all those around you are losing it. Sometimes even though an incident is observably minor, the panic has spread so widely you can’t just tell people to get over it. And this is even more complicated if, as was the case with mid to late stage COVID management, your school or organizations exists within a context where other schools’ risk management strategy is either way more conservative or liberal than the culture at your school.

Understand your director of comms’ leanings

Ideally, this is somewhat complementary and you have a sense once you’ve chewed things over, you land in a reasonable place.

One idea - have a very small “assessment team” - and actually use it

This involves trust because to optimize this group, you may need to call them together to discuss something you begin to suspect you didn’t handle as well as you thought. But it is hugely helpful to have a small group of trusted leaders who can act as your assessment team. This is not a full on crisis management team that you might break out to handle a major event and refer to your crisis plan. This is a small, consistent group that you bring these slow rolling but troubling situations to so you can help you see it clearly. But it can be invaluable if you listen to this team - they may have the pulse on a much different part of the community than you do and prevent you from walking into that pothole (or worse, that sinkhole).

Two Golden Rules That Work Together To Keep a Simmering Situation from Boiling Over

Rule One:

Ensure a compassionate and empathetic tone with every single communication around the issue.

Often the discomfort we feel in dealing with a messy, conflictual situation is to retreat into our positions and put up what we think of as clear boundaries. It’s the “I’m the boss” instinct. Clarity is always good but empathy doesn’t undermine your authority. That goes for everything from the announcement about layoffs or a program being phased out to the individual response to the unhappy parent.

Announcements

You are not fooling anyone if you announce something you know that will make people unhappy by not acknowledging that fact. You will piss them off.

So if you’re canceling the once popular astrology program, you can mention it was once very popular.

If you have to do a power point at a faculty meeting to explain a hiring freeze, acknowledge this stinks.

I would not advise going on and on about how difficult it was to make these types of decisions because frankly no one cares or will have sympathy for you - but you can be a human!

After the announcement, see Golden Rule 2

Social Media Kerfuffles, HR, Parent Situations

You can express that you understand why they are frustrated.

You can have clear boundaries and express a genuine understanding that the person is going through a hard time and that must be difficult. You can repeat back what someone has told you so that they understand you heard them.

With that in mind, keep any written communication brief and offer a call or meeting. And the call or meeting might be a long one. Be prepared to listen, although particularly in the social media kerfuffle category, they may not take you up on it.

Rule Two: Always try to get back in relationship with people rather than dealing with “a situation”

Try and engage with people as individuals whether it is an individual situation (HR, etc) or if a decision has created upset. The more it feels that it is “the institution” vs the person who is upset, the greater chance the situation will escalate as a person looks for allies, redress, etc.

There is nothing worse than the person who is “trying to do you a favor” by telling you “everyone” is upset about X. It’s not helpful and it’s manipulative. In the end, if you can’t ID who the individuals behind “everyone” is - keep offering opportunities for 1-1 connections but if no one is taking you up on it, no one is taking you up on it. It’s worth thinking about why no one is taking you up on it, though.

The goal is not to make a person “happy.” They may well go away still unhappy with the discipline decision or the position that is not being replaced or the program that is being cut. But remember the goal is to connect as humans, not to solve what the person sees as “the problem.”

From my perspective, the trickiest thing about these communications is sorting out the situation and how much attention to give it. It’s easy to misjudge and have something metastasize into a much bigger deal than it needed to be, especially when you’re overstretched and tired and you just want to get it off your desk. And often to sort it out effectively, you have to let at least a small number of trusted advisors in to look at all the angles.

Of course, it’s lonely at the top and there are a few issues that absolutely must be the most confidential of confidential. But fewer than you think and often with a few good minds in the room you can find an alternative to what might be a self-inflicted wound. And I wish every leader the wisdom and collegiality I got from my relationship with my attorneys at Shipman and Goodwin.

There is no leadership prize for always going it alone at the hardest moments. And if a crisis blossoms, as they inevitably do, it just eats into your energy and morale, which helps no one. So why not try and keep them to a minimum?

See you next week! And watch for the first Top Five Tuesday tips post!

Julie

Upcoming Speaking Events

Honing Your Leadership Skills - Blackbaud Thought Leadership series webinar

With Peter Baron of Independent School MoonshotOS

January 14, 1pm - Free: Registration here