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Welcome to a special Sunday, Election Week edition of Talking Out of School!
So the week we have all been worried about is finally here. This is a short post just to share what I’ve been hearing, both on a pre-election meetup Zoom I hosted for paying subscribers last Monday and also the conversations I had while attending The Association of Boarding Schools (TABS) annual conference at the end of the week. (A great conference, by the way - thank you, TABS! - and many people really appreciated keynote speaker Irshad Manji’s approach to building bridges between diverse perspectives in polarized times - an article here summarizes.)
And welcome new boarding school subscribers!
Concerns are about the adults, not the kids
Everyone I talked to had resources in place to support the students, but I didn’t talk to a single head or senior admin who was really worried about the kids, even though at many schools there is a wider range of political beliefs among the students than among the adults. Many people remember the day after the election in 2016 when we were quite surprised how many of the adults were derailed by the results, canceling classes, leaving campus, etc.
And although everyone reports a much more muted reaction in 2020, a number of people mentioned that, because many adults in school communities are overwhelmingly liberal, this may have been because the result went “their way.” The fact that we were preoccupied by the pandemic may also have factored in. So it is difficult to tell what to expect as the results in this very emotional election season come in over the course of this week. (And I think it is safe to say we will likely not go to bed Tuesday and know who the winner is.)
And a number of schools reported being much more proactive in conversations with the adults to prepare and discuss expectations, which is different from 2016. I applaud this effort!
Kids want “school to be school” (Lisa Damour) and kids want to feel “safe, seen and soothed.” (Catherine Steiner-Adair)
How can we apply these concepts to supporting the adult community?
Advice from these two wise women came up on the pre-election Zoom meetup and one participant wondered how we can use them as a guide to support adults, particularly if there is many weeks of ambiguity, court battles, etc.
This is an example of an opportunity for school leaders to step into your authority. You can be empathetic and understand people might be stressed out and distracted, but it’s also time to reduce ambiguity where you can. By leaning into the rituals and routine of school life, and reminding others to do the same, it can provide a balm and some reassurance that the rhythms of life continue. This may feel counterintuitive and maybe a little special treatment will be appreciated, but I think “special treatment” might be in ways for the community to come together and have fun, not cutting back on time together or doing a snow day equivalent/Zoom school.
Leaders - say the thing you’re thinking about
Several heads mentioned voicing something simple - I trust your judgment talking to students about the election or i understand it’s been an intense election season, here are a lot of emotions and people are tired - was very well received by their faculty. It can go a long way when an authority figure makes such statements, when you consider what you’re thinking, and then you say the thing. It helps people feel seen, even if there is no perfect advice, solution or remedy.
The pandemic is still in our heads (a sort of side note)
Finally, much to my surprise, I talked more about pandemic days than I had in a really long time while at TABS. I’m not sure what that’s about, but I ended up remembering things I had packed away. Not to get all armchair psychologist on you all, but I think we school folks have a lot of unprocessed grief around what happened between March 2020 and (name your end date). It was really rather unbelievable the amount of pivoting and crisis management we had to do - and it kept shifting and changing.
And this piece in today’s NYT (gift link) shows how voters are bringing a pre and post pandemic lens to this seasons’ presidential election.
Some school people were quite clear in our conversations that we can’t blame all current school woes on the pandemic and I am sympathetic to that viewpoint, but if so many independent school leaders (and perhaps trustees, parents, alums, head search consultants, college admissions officers…I could go on) are still carrying around unprocessed grief and see pre March 2020 through rose colored glasses - change efforts are not going to be successful. My mentor Dr. Sole frequently pointed out, quoting the work of organizational psychologist Dr Charles Seashore, that unprocessed grief is the major cause of failed change efforts.
So we need to keep talking to each other, even if it brings up uncomfortable feelings - I certainly felt at times a really big ick that was no fun - because it serves a purpose. And we also remember what we miss about the Before Times so we can bless it, release and move forward.
Good luck this week, everyone! See you next Friday.
Julie