Dear New Heads of School:
Headship presented both the gift and the challenge of testing my limits in my professional capacities and my personal stamina. It most certainly presented a years-long opportunity to think deeply about my priorities and values and, at the risk of sounding melodramatic, the meaning of life. What is education but, in the end, a provider of tools so students can explore the meaning of life? Education is life itself - the mundane day to day, the absolute magic moments of serendipity and grace, the deeply meaningful and transformative instances of interpersonal connection. And there is also the unexpected, the catastrophic, the nonsensically tragic. Life.
Leading a school makes it impossible to avoid the Big Questions. Not that easy to write about that in a snappy post. And I had just discarded a draft when I saw this quote in a LinkedIn post by Eve Jardine-Young, Principal at the Cheltenham Ladies College in the UK. And it just resonated so instantly and completely, the way a song lyric hits you on an emotional level before you can parse the meaning.
“It's dark because you are trying too hard.
Lightly child, lightly. Learn to do everything lightly.
Yes, feel lightly even though you're feeling deeply.
Just lightly let things happen and lightly cope with them."
~ Aldous Huxley
Headship will temp you every day to become enmeshed with your role, that you as Head and you as you are interchangeable. I would advise, “feel lightly even though you’re feeling deeply.”
However exhausting it might feel to carve out that space for yourself, it is essential. And this is not about massages or taking a walk. It is about the psychic space to recognize that you exist outside your role, that you and headship are not one.
People will push and pull you in all kinds of directions, filtered through their lens. Most people aren’t ill intentioned but no one has the same perspective as the leader of the organization.
There are many different ways to define a “good head.” And often a school and a board doesn’t have the distance on their own opportunities and challenges to even deeply understand what they need in a head. They are, maybe unintentionally, relying on you to figure it out. And your answer may not be the one they are expecting.
If you have been offered this position, you likely kicked ass throughout your career. You’re an accomplished, high achieving person. The school is lucky to have you. Congratulations!
And now here’s the bad news. There’s very few metrics everyone can agree on that measure what being a “good head” is. You can hit the quantitative metrics and some people will think you’re lacking. You can hit the qualitative metrics and some people will think you’re lacking. You can hit both - and yes, you guessed it, some people will still think you’re lacking because they just don’t agree with how you’re moving forward, or just don’t like you, for some reason you can’t control.
Or, even more boldly, you have decided that even if you could control this, it’s too big a sacrifice for the person you are. And brava to you! Because in the end, you will learn more about leadership and hone your skills more effectively by preserving those parts of yourself that are authentically you, and if there is a price to be paid, so be it. Because there is always a price to be paid!
You will get great advice from experienced heads that you should certainly think about but discard if you just know it doesn’t work for you. You also might get advice on managing a tricky situation from a person you trust and respect, but just know it’s not the right thing to do. And even when you’re new and it can be hard to trust that inner voice, give it a hard listen and think about the consequences, maybe give it a run around in the open air from time to time. Act on that inner voice to start with in places where the consequences will be manageable to test it out. The voice will get stronger and clearer. You’ll start to get a sense of when your inner voice is the one to listen to or the good advice.
The first few years are just hard and there’s something freeing about accepting that and trying to keep your sense of humor. People will have ridiculous and unmeetable expectations. It’s complicated to know who to trust - again, not for nefarious reasons, but just because you don’t really understand where people are coming from. You’ll accidentally step in a hole, maybe quite a few. You will be able to get out of all of them and that’s why Band Aids are easily available.
Find some outside voices you can trust. There are the mentors that love you; they are indispensable. There is also a lot of other outside support available. There was one school attorney I called my “Fifth Beatle” for the first few years of headship. I also had talented, patient, wise help from consultants who were outside the political fray of the school in areas where I was still building up my expertise - branding and communications, finance, business office operations, fundraising and advancement, enrollment. It was a tonic to work with people who saw me as me and not just as The Head. People really extended themselves for me and went over and above any transactional, contractual relationship. I will be forever grateful. So many people want to see a school succeed.
Find people who you are not afraid to ask dumb questions although the questions are way less dumb than you think. You may start off with an internal team where you can ask these questions but if you don’t, build one.
When thinking about the first six months of headship, I keep thinking of what George W Bush said about Donald Trump’s inauguration speech - “That was some weird shit.” New heads, you’re in for some weird shit. But you’re resilient and some of it’s fun and a lot of it makes great stories…eventually. Right now you’re maybe packing or trying to squeeze in a vacation or looking at the calendar and thinking, how it is setting someone up to succeed to move, start a huge new job and then immediately leave to attend the Institute for New Heads? You are not wrong. The way this works is one of the ways the whole structure of the head of school job needs to be reconsidered - but that’s not on the docket for now. Just know you are not crazy for having these thoughts.
When I was at the Institute for New Heads, I thought everyone but me had it figured out. They did not. Let go of the myth of perfection right now. Whatever vision you have in your mind of a fantastic head from your past, someone who inspired you and led the school to new heights - just remember they were new once, too, and they likely were not facing the same challenges you are inheriting. They had their insecurities and they had parts of the job they did less well than others, even up to the day they retired.
Be patient with yourself as you figure out how to be the head you want to be and what your institution needs from you. This takes time and some trial and error - yes, error! It happens. Be patient with those around you as it’s exciting and nerve wracking to have a new head as boss and they probably have no clue how to best support you. Maybe think about it and tell them.
Find some people to laugh with; this is a sanity lifeline. Create that safety net of good advisors who will always return your call, even at 11AM on a Sunday morning. Remember you’re a talented professional who can do hard things even when again, someone walks in your office and presents you with another head scratcher.
Headship didn’t just become complicated in March of 2020; the role has always been multilayered, performed in hundreds of different, successful variations blending the relational and the operational. At its best, it is a relationship between the current situation, culture and history of a school and the personality and skills of the head, a continuous push-pull interplay between harmony and tension. There are those periods where it then clicks along and it is exhilarating - the kids are well served, you work shoulder to shoulder with a community of adults who serve a vision you have helped put into place as a lodestar. Goals are met; enrollment is robust, campus is cared for, exciting hires are made.
The mundane, the aspirational, the magical. And yes, the weird shit.
Welcome to headship!
Julie
Stony Creek Strategy is here for new heads - coaching, strategic planning, departmental audits, and communications/conflict management. I love networking as I learn so much - don’t hesitate to each out for an introductory chat: jfaulstich@stonycreekstrategy.com